My tidy Kitchen

I'm going to apologize for my post ahead of time. I'm in a horrible funk today, I think I am getting sick and I just can't shake this sinus headache. All that combined and trying to get some school in just was not a good combination.

I had attended a homeschool meeting on Monday. It was very encouraging to get together with others, but also very humbling. I was very convicted when the speaker told us that our children are mirrors of ourselves. It got me to thinking about how horrible the boys have been lately, just not inclined to be led, or told what to do, and generally disagreeable. Boy did I feel the weight of responsibility when I realized they probably were mirroring my negative attitude. Though I try to stay positive (and I do put on a good "face,") I know that my boys do not have the privilege of my public countenance. They get the unhappy, frustrated and lonely face when I stop making the effort, which is too frequently these days. Bart, unfortunately, doesn't get my public "face" much either.

So I was even more bummed out by the time Bart arrived home tonight, feeling the added weight of culpability. God is so merciful however, and while we were tidying up and fixing dinner, Luke was dancing and singing about how happy he was to be helping out. In that moment God revealed to me that Luke was "mirroring" my positive side too.

Ah, hope. I have a hope that God is still doing a work in me, and together we are going to root out the ugly face in the mirror that I am struggling with. I trust He has planned to replace it with the joyful face He desires for me. I think the key to this process is going to be turning away from the mirror altogether. I notice that I am much happier and joyful when I focus on others and not myself. I have to turn away from my own self pity, which is not productive at all, and turn toward mercy. Mercy for others, those who are not able to stay at home with their children, those who cannot find meaningful and substantial work, the sick, the elderly...... The more I focus on the needs of others, the smaller my own needs and the greater my personal satisfaction (joy) become.

I do hope you will say a prayer for us (especialy me) and know that my future posts will all be positive!